01 August 2005

the quandary of my heart

This past weekend was Homecoming at my college. We used this as an excuse to spend a weekend away from home, though we got away Saturday morning rather than Friday night as planned, thanks to a deadline my husband had. It was good to get away for a night, even if it was shorter than intended. Homecoming was simply an excuse. Truth be told, we spent a total of maybe 3 hours at the school, long enough to see who was there, visit briefly and buy a couple shirts...then headed back to the cabin we were staying at.

Said cabins are time-wise about halfway between home and school...not too far from either place. Just a get-away, and in my beloved mountains. Some relatives have a membership in a rather old resort and offer us access to them anytime we would like. (Indeed, those same relatives gave us eight nights there for our honeymoon many years ago!) Not for lack of trying, but this is the first time we've been back. It was relaxing, somewhat rustic and very simple. All we have to bring is food and personal items, which is good. We did decide we'd be back more often, though. We need more weekends away. Hopefully we'll to go up this fall for about three nights...that's when the leaves are changing and while it's a touristy area, it's truly gorgeous.

Going to the college is a quandary to my heart, though.
The mountains pull me to them...I feel God's presence there, I feel alive and at peace there. But my college years were difficult and at times painful. Don't get me wrong, there were good times, too. They are growing years for everyone, me included. But returning brings old insecurities to the surface and I battle with them from the moment the car turns in. Short visits are best. They are always worth it to see a few people I love...this weekend, I saw one friend in particular I had not seen in four years. I also gave her this blog address, which I keep telling myself was a good idea. haha! As I said, old insecurities. (If you are reading this, Shana, forgive me for second-guessing myself. And thank you for being a sweet friend). Odd, how the minute I drive off again, I return to the person I know. And yet, there is something within me that simply loves returning to my alma mater...I believe time is healing, too. Perhaps slow, but healing.

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