10 September 2012


Some of the friends who make my life richer and more robust by their very existence live far away now - the ones I've known more than half my life and whose short, infrequent visits leave my cup full and running over.

When time and distance and life are the reason for not having time together, it's easy to think you've just lost touch, drifted away - it's nothing personal.  But when anticipation of a reunion fills you with delight, it's not a drifting away.  And when the friend gives you a hug, their words spilling out easily: "Why don't we live around the corner from each other?"  - it's then you know that you didn't imagine the invisible thread that's kept you connected in spite of rare phone calls, infrequent emails, thousands of miles.

This weekend was one of those times.

I am full, renewed, beyond words.

08 September 2012


I have about three possible posts circling my brain, wondering if there are enough words to go with the feelings to cause them to spill into my fingers and land on the keyboard.  I'm still not sure.  But I'll give it a try, offering each a space of time and a different posting this week....

In the last week, Little B asked me if I'd ever decided whether he was "autistic" or not.  (Some of you may recall that a couple years ago we discussed the likelihood of Asperger's with him.  It went over as well as withdrawing money from a negative bank account; a doctor retracted the suggestion of Asperger's and pushed him onward instead, leaving me mildly uncertain what to think).  So in response to this recent question, I deferred to the therapist or other doctor he sees.  Just that simple.  I also clarified that he's not autistic - but left most of what needed to be said to the professional.

Yesterday Little B asked the right person.  Who explained the spectrum, ascertained he was not on far end, and described the milder side, Asperger's.  She told him that she didn't always care to use such terms to describe people since everyone is different....I love and respect this, but I also think it's good to be able to embrace our individuality and be okay with it, label or no label. (I'm still learning to embrace my forever cluttered life - and be okay with inviting guests over whether their homes are cluttered and dusty or spotless...definite work in progress.)

She concluded by asking Little B what he thought of what she'd said.  He promptly said he believed he had Asperger's.  Her response was that while she agreed he exhibited many of the symptoms, it didn't mean it was conclusive.  He came away more accepting of having it than not, but being okay with it.  I'm relieved.

That, however, does not make it easier to live with him, or teach me how to be his mommy, or give me the compassion or balance needed at pivotal moments.  I'm still a major work in progress.

05 September 2012

a new start

Two interviews; one offer.
Much prayer and consideration.
One acceptance.
One resignation.

After more than fifteen years at a firm we once expected John would retire from, he is starting down a new path with a new firm.

This was hard for me - letting go of something that seemed permanently stable - but when His peace is so overwhelming, following is easier than ignoring.  Now, I'm excited and ready for all that lies ahead....