28 May 2004

at last

And at long last, we have the official word that all is well with the pregnancy. All signs of miscarriage are gone, my hormone levels are all where they should be, and I am one happy mama!

My son is delighted with the fact there is a baby in my tummy...he truly believes he will be getting a little sister, though I've warned him it might be a brother...he nonchalantly says that's okay and continues to refer to 'her'. Yesterday, for the first time, he talked to my belly. What a precious moment in life. He started by saying "Hi, I'm your big brother". Of course, I spoke for the baby. They talked again this morning, with double the enthusiasm....'baby' heard all about Little B's new computer game (twice) and he even promised to teach the baby how to play it after he or she 'pops out'. And, of course, baby was invited to come along in mommy's tummy to watch him play said game. Then, I let Little B kiss the baby...on the never-lost pooch that still remains from my days pregnant with him. My son is the happiest little boy in the world. And I do believe my husband and I are the happiest parents.

24 May 2004

and so i wait

Last week, I began to notice I was not feeling myself. It creeped up on me, slowly occuring to me that perhaps I was pregnant. I was. Our delight was as sweet as when we found out about our pregnancy with B. Life was once again unfolding within me and in spite of a few doubts because of a very light test result, I knew deep within that yes, there is a baby growing inside of me.

And then, I began to have some mild complications, indicators of a miscarriage. This morning in particular. This week has become a watch and wait time. We are unsure what will happen, and many things could cause the symtoms. I am as tired this afternoon as I have been, and not overly emotional, but as my mother said, after many life experiences, you begin to put off your emotions until you know what you are dealing with exactly. I have a bit of trepidition, but no fear. I actually believe what I am experiencing is a good dose of peace. God is sovereign. And though this could be painful, I am assured that He is in control. I just trust Him. My mother even suggested that perhaps the Lord just wants a lot of prayer for this little life. It could be.

My son was asking this morning if there was still a baby in my tummy, and I told him I just didn't know, perhaps I'd been wrong; by the 3rd time he asked, I suggested he talk to Jesus about it. So, he stopped in the middle of the hallway and did just that. I'm unsure of his words, but I heard bits and pieces...after a moment, he looked at me and said, "There is". It touched me deeply and reassured me, almost like saying "everything is fine, don't worry". And perhaps that is part of my peaceful feeling today.

Currently, I am doing fine (as fine as a woman newly pregnant is allowed to feel!), with no signs of a miscarriage. I had blood drawn this morning, and will again in two days. They will compare the results to see if the hormones are increasing or decreasing. And so, in the meantime, I wait...

20 May 2004

night's cocoon

I love the sounds of night after a heavy rain...everything is more pronounced, more clear, more soothing. It rests the weary soul and washes away the multitude of mental exercises that consume oneself. The sounds of insects and distant hum of the night blend into a sweet melody, the darkness of night wrapping its cocoon around me...

If only I had been able to take the time to enjoy this a bit longer, I would have savored it. It's times like these I most enjoy sitting outside alone, praying and absorbing my God. He feels so close when I can see and hear the night around me, not distracted by the calls of children or curious queries produced by a three year old's fascinted mind.

As it were, we arrived home too late for Little B's bathtime and rushing to get ready for bed (I heard the beauty of night going from car to house). But, alas, I've been waking up a bit too early for my liking as well, and in that I am able to find a few minute of solace in my Father's arms...some days I do not focus as well, but other days my heart turns easily to Him and shares it's thoughts and burdens. I truly need to set aside a time for myself to do this. I fear it is not something I have been diligent about recently. But when I do spend such times, I am so refreshed and enjoy them deeply...

17 May 2004

just me

Learning the ropes this morning...trying to figure out what I'm doing right or wrong or not doing at all...I'm not sure what I want from a blog, so am figuring that out, too. All I know at the moment is that I do want a blog. And I'll take it from there, I suppose.