ammendment

I decided to strut my new pants today and tried on first the jeans. Huh. I'd forgotten this new thing called "stretchy" in jeans. Whatever. I kept pulling them up. On to the cords. Perfect. Stretchy, too, but not quite so much. THEY still felt incredible. The jeans, however, were bordering on annoying. So, I went back to exchange them for size 8. Hee hee. I daren't exchange the cords, but the smaller jeans fit like the larger cords, so I can pretend I wear a smaller size some days (must be the reason for stretch?). Either way, I noticed that it didn't take me a dozen pair of jeans over 2 weeks to find some that fit. Interesting. Maybe I have more to hold them up??? hahaha!

new jeans

It has been a long, long time since I had a great fitting pair of jeans. In fact, the last pair that was like heaven was probably two sizes and 6+ years ago. I mean it--I cannot recall when. I do remember that they were Gap jeans I hated to part with (each time they wore out and I replaced them, I had the same struggle!) and they were size 6. Super long the way I love them; dragging on the floor, truth be told, til the cuffs were ragged and nasty. But, OH so comfy and broken in just right.

Well, over the years I've added the weight that doesn't drop right away from not one but two pregnancies. Yeah, pregnancy weight on top of pregnancy weight. I will insert here that my sugar-free tactics have improved the way my clothes fit (not an entire size, though, sad to say), and I have gotten in to pre-Miss C jeans again (not a perfect fit, but I can still breathe when they're zipped and snapped!). However, my ONE pair that was working managed to be so old (bought 'em used years ago) that they ripped above the knee when I leaned down a couple weeks ago. Nothing like old-fashioned a/c in the fall and winter, eh?

So, it was decided that I could definitely justify buying some jeans. (My now size ten body feels a wee bit remorseful over the fact that I daren't yet try the eights, however.) So, at the end of the evening (post bill-paying and figuring the current budget), we headed out to drop off vacation pictures for developing and make a FAST stop at the Gap. As long as it's been since I owned such great jeans, it's been equally longer since I paid much for jeans! Ouch. I'd forgotten how painful their pricetags could be. However, I was tired of so-so fitting jeans and my husband was determined that I'd have good ones this year.

I first had to figure out their styles and cuts and such as that. Yikes. So many options. Once that was deciphered I had to wade through the variety of striped-looking denim. What is UP with that? Sorry, but most of that material is not what I call blue-jeans. I want the regular kind, thank you very much.

I grabbed a pair of sale cords to try first, since the denim was temporarily causing insanity. They fit great. Wow. Felt incredible. My body thanked me instantly. My husband was pleased. So, on to the jeans. I finally found what I really wanted. Not on sale. Of course not! But, they fit. (Fifty dollars of fit.) Not to tight in any one place, still a ten, cut for my body, sturdy and no stinkin' stripes. (I sacrificed my love of "long" and settled for "regular" which are technically long enough.)

We bought both. I came home to get our kids ready for bed, but had to do so after putting on the new jeans. Oh yeah. They feel so good. Heaven on my body once more.

Sigh of bliss.

here's to kayla

Little B started school this week, and in those four half-days, I was all set to beat my massive list of to-do's into submission. But, alas, life often gets in the way.

The night after the funeral, we were home and settled in. I had my pj's on, teeth brushed, and both kids asleep. I made a short-lived attempt to get online. But, the phone rang. It was a sweet, call, though--I was wanted in a labor and delivery room. . .some 20 minutes away (a longer drive during the day). Throwing on my clothes in a mad rush, I wondered what to do with my night-nursing daughter. After a moment's discussion with my husband (who had some work to finish before bed, then needed to be up and going at a decent hour), we called my mom to come to the rescue. Bless her, she handled the wake- up call of a nursing baby who refused a bottle like a champ. My husband was still up, but was able to go on to sleep before Miss C had any willingness.

I spent about four hours at the hospital with Jan, my sister-like cousin-in-law. She was a week overdue and anxious to get that little girl out. :D It felt good to help and to allay a few fears with a couple minor crisis situations. Jan had an internal moniter as the baby's heart rate had dropped some -- they discovered there was meconium in the bag of waters. I was willing to see it through, but realistically needed to be home and functional to take my little boy to school yesterday morning. So, I left around 2:30am.

Her phone call just after 7am announced the arrival of Kayla, 19 inches, 7 lbs 2 oz. (After my 11 pounder, she's a "featherweight" in my book.) Before I could make it back to the hospital that morning, yet another crisis had arision. Kayla has fluid and/or meconium in one lung, so she's spending her first several days of life in NICU. I was honored to be one of the four people on her 'guest list' to see and hold Kayla. What a precious baby!

Kayla has done remarkably well, is not in a life-threatening situation, and will hopefully be heading home by Sunday. Jan is a champ. Tired, strong, and experiencing motherhood's first taste with some extras--visits down the hall to see, change and feed her sweet girl. Mark (daddy) is simply ready for his baby to go home and be in his arms.

Me? Tired. Walked around like a zombie today (we were out running errands last night since I'd been at the hospital for so long on a mere three hours of sleep). My list? Beating me into submission.

melting pot of days

The Homefront
Well, my little boy is off to Pre-K this morning! Wow. He's growing up so incredibly fast (He literally grew almost TWO inches this summer). Daddy was here to be a part of the big day, helping get Little B ready, making his breakfast, and driving him (Miss C and I rode along). We decided to try to make it a tradition--having Daddy here on the first day--it was kind of special! I suppose it had not occurred to me that a 4 year old would have a bundle of nerves on the first day, but that was definitely the case. He had a hard time sleeping, wasn't as hungry for his breakfast and couldn't sit still to save his life (even AFTER going potty. . .). But, he was thrilled at the same time. He'll be learning Spanish once a week. We talked about that and he was super excited...he was hoping that would start today! What a cutie pie.

After a long weekend with my husband home, my stress levels are dropping and now that Little B will be in school 4 days a week, it will give me more 'down time'--at least whenever Miss C naps. haha!


Nanny
Our weekend did have a low spot, however. My husband's great-grandmother, "Nanny", died Sunday afternoon. She would have been 98 next month. While we weren't super close to her, she was a wonderful lady and we loved her. She reminded me of my maternal grandmother (who was a year younger, but died a couple years ago). Nanny was adorable and precious. Indeed a proper southern lady in every sense of the word.

Last night was the viewing/visitation and today is the funeral--thus the real reason my husband is home this morning. It is sad for us, but not a hard grieving like when we've lost grandparents in the past. We'd been expecting Nanny to go for some time now. The last time we saw her was at a cousin's wedding a couple months ago. She was a sweet and beautiful as ever. Thankfully, someone took her picture with Miss C--the fifth and last great-great-grandchild Nanny saw (there are two more on the way).

We love you, Nanny. You will be missed.

struggling

I am struggling so much right now.
I feel burned-out, overwhelmed, stressed, depressed and the list goes on. I am yelling with my frustration in ways I hate; I want to 'retire'--but, I'm a stay at home mom. Breaks rarely occur for me. I want and crave time alone. My poor husband actually has come home from work early once this week, and may do so again today, since I am struggling so badly with this.

We have been making plans for an upcoming vacation, but I hardly want to go anymore. Moms DO NOT get a vacation. My husband won't be at work, my kids will get to have a break from the norm....but me? I'll still change diapers, wake up at night, discipline and fix boo-boos. I'll still contend with Little B eating enough of his meal to earn a dessert, and breastfeed my daughter. I'll still be a 24 hour stay-with-kids mom...just not at home for a week. I swear, I wish I could send the three of them on vacation and take a week ALONE (or better yet, go on the vacation alone...). In my dreams. (And, I know I'd miss them.)

Don't get me wrong, I have good kids. I am just tired of deaf ears and strong wills. Both of which I used to be champions at. And still keep on reserve. I need to send my mom flowers, probably.

All this to say it's been a bad, bad week. I wish I was eating sugar. I deserve a nice, big chocolate dessert. Hmpht.

smart ears

I have no idea if I blogged about this a few months ago or not. But, at his four year old check-up, Little B failed his hearing screening. A couple months later, we re-screened and he failed in both ears. Granted, in the midst of all these screenings, he'd had various colds and ear infections which we were told could easily contribute. He needed a solid four weeks between any cold-like problems and the next testing. With that, we were sent off to an ENT.

Said appointment was this morning. My father has some hearing loss that has been evident for many years (if only HE'D be seen!), and my husband and I each have/had at least one grandparent with hearing aids. So, I went very realistically to this doctor's office, truly ready for whatever he might say. We've had so much going on this year, it was just part of the melting pot at this point.

Our morning started slow. I was up late last night (getting stuff ready to drop off for a big consignment sale), and hit that snooze button a few times. Ahem. I had been able to print off the paperwork from their website, and had it filled out and in the diaper bag already, so we arrived just in time for that 9:30 am appointment. Or not. Can we say it was supposed to be at 9:00 am??? Oops. I've had various 9:30 appointments for a couple weeks and it was just stuck in the brain. A reminder call AND the correct time on my calendar and I still arrive late. They were very gracious, though, and saw us anyway (it takes up to EIGHT weeks to reschedule!).

This is a practice that specializes in children, and they were fabulous. My nervous little boy was soon at ease and a champ. He laid still while they puffed air on the eardrum, removed wax, and shined lights. So far, so good...now let's go across the hall to see the audiologist. There were special "ear plugs" for his ears, a thingy over his shoulder, obviously some sounds (Little B kept suddenly shouting out "phone!" or "train!") and wah-la-- measurements on the computer magically appeared. Move to another computer, do some of that again with chirping sounds this time, and more readouts. Then a soundproof room within that small room. The audiologist talked to him on a microphone and did some games and had him repeat words. Quite the process. I had no idea!

Now the kicker. The second computer he sat at, the one that chirped, gave a charted readout (I believe it was measuring the muscle strength of his eardrum). She told Little B his ears were "drawing a picture". Holy cow. He thought that was just too cool! He was so pleased with the picture his ears drew--he had some really smart ears! He never knew his ears could DRAW. Wow...

The audiologist was so kind. Little B got to take the printout of that "picture" when we left. We had to go back across the hall to see the ENT one more time, and while the poor man was trying to talk, all Little B could do was try to show him the picture his ears drew. It's truly two small graphs that are on the upper half of the page. That's it. But he is so stinkin' cute! We left and I swear he held out his picture for EVERY person in sight to see. I felt guilty trying to move him along while these people worked...they couldn't really even see that he wanted their attention as we went down the hall, but it was cracking me up inwardly. He was so proud.

And so was I for that matter. His ears were perfect. Very smart ears, indeed.

purging

I am a chocoholic. (Dark is best by far; I feel "better" when I eat chocolate!)
I have what I call a post-partum sweet tooth. It started with my first child. (As a kid, I didn't care for cake & ice cream at a birthday party; I didn't even like chocolate at one time!)
And I still don't need sugary things that often.

I do have a horrid thing called endometriosis ("endo") for which I've undergone two surgeries and one awful 6-month regime of drug-induced menopause (watch out ladies...that is the worst experience I've ever had, and we'll all get there one day; I just don't think I should have to go through it TWICE in a lifetime!).
I also suffer from migraines, which can be tied into the endo issues. Recently, my migraines (and endo pain) have been increasing.

My mother had migraines for many years. She never had endo (that we know of, and no reason to think she did). She has told me before that her doctor of long ago put her on a no-sugar, no-flour diet for a month and she actually got rid of them for many years (they recurred later, but I can also vouch that the sugar/flour intake did, too!). After two migraines last week mom and I talked about this approach some more. I decided on Sunday night to go for it. When I really decide something like that, I really do it.

As of Monday, I have been reading every label in the house for the words "sugar" and "(unbleached) flour". I've read up on sugar and even found a frightening article (see my sidebar for the link) about it being a poison in our body. My mom had said this same thing. It certainly rings true. So, the purging has begun.

My biggest focus is the sugar, but flour falls in line a close second. My goal: four weeks sugar-free. And, I don't believe in artificial sweeteners, either (even more refined than sugar, and plain nasty)! After that, an adjusted life-style that limits the refined sugars and flours. My family will be pulled along into this. With my kids, it won't be hard since I regulate their food anyway, whereas my husband is at work where my eyes are not. . .).

In a nutshell, while sugar is not essential for our daily consumption, it becomes a "poison" due to the refining. The less processed the sugar, the more okay it is (limited, of course) as it still retains minerals necessary for it's digestion in the body. The more refined the product (ie, "Pure" sugar), the more depleted it is and it takes from our body essential nutrients in order digest/process it. I am totally fine having naturally occurring sugars. I will even concede at times to evaporated sugar cane juice, etc, as it's not refined and super processed, though I'm still not what you'd call "indulging"; it's simply in some things I've found. If I eat out, I try to choose wisely and don't worry about it from there. While I'm not consuming it at the moment, I will certainly choose Sugar In The Raw, which is a Turbinado sugar and far less refined, over white sugar in the future. I've liked it better for a long time anyway. Makes me wonder what my body was saying?

So, not that you wanted a sugar lesson, but there it is anyway.
I have succeeded in 5 1/2 days so far. It's not easy, but I must say it's good this isn't about salt or I'd probably die (THAT would be my serious weakness. . . ). I have purchased special bread, bought freshly ground (organic) peanut butter and am unable to make some of my favorite meals, such as enchiladas, because they have sugar in the sauce (I'll defintely be eating enchiladas again in a month). Sigh. However, I am not starving, just adjusting. I've discovered that sugar is in virtually every item we eat. It just depends if it's fresh foods or processed foods as to what kind. Something else I've been slowly working toward is more organic food.

Yeah, for those of you who read my post on my horrid cooking, it's not fabulous, but sometimes I get it right (I did scorch the bacon this morning, only to realize it's cured in sugar, so my husband ate what wasn't too badly burned). =D I manage to prepare plenty of decent meals at home (but who says I have to love it?). I also have a grocery shopping friend now that gives me good tips (for another post another day).

My hope is that these changes will lead to healthier eating in our family (we aren't that bad, but improvement is always a good thing), and I'd love to see my migraines disappear and endo pain decrease. Time will tell. But even if they don't, I like these changes. For now, I will remember a quote that I saw recently: Health is a journey (I don't recall the rest, but that says enough).