18 March 2010

thankful thursday

There is only One source of true Life and true Peace. And I am so thankful to have access to that source. Every day. Just by containing the Holy Spirit in my human spirit. My excperience of this has been vital to me this past week.

I felt deeply prompted to send a small message to an old friend the other day. This person has been on my heart strongly for some time, indeed urgently this past summer. After facebook reconnected us not long ago, the Lord began prodding me to write. Given certain circumstances, it seemed a bit...unorthodox...to my way of thinking. And yet if I resisted, I lost my peace immediately. At first, I just felt to pray and consider a note in the future. Then this week I had a sudden, pressing need to send that note. Without hesitation. I had no outward reason to believe that day was better than another day. But the Lord was very clear to me and I felt I was racing against a time bomb as I worked to quickly and carefully craft a short, appropriate message to someone I had not seen in over 12 years.

I prayed as I typed, deleted, retyped, listened to my son asking for the computer, moved sentences around, deleted, promised the computer in just a minute, and typed some more. I pondered my heart, my intent, my source of Life. Any time I considered just waiting, the urgency almost made my heart race and I grew uncomfortable. Any time I turned and sought my Lord in the matter, life and peace returned. I pressed "send" and felt a calm come over me.

Yet I would get wrapped up in my mind, second guessing myself, feeling uncertain and edgy off and on for a couple of days. And each time I thought surely I was foolish, that I wished I could take it back, I began to pray. And again the peace returned. My mother gently reminded me in the midst of my angst that all I really needed was to follow Life and Peace - not worry about anything else. Her words reassured me and in that simple truth, I could see exactly what she was telling me in the entire situation. I knew without a doubt I'd done exactly that: follow Life and Peace.

I have not heard a response. I may never hear a response. I do watch for one. I do hope for one. Even if it's another 12 years. But I do not expect one. And in my mind, that is so hard. But each time I go before my Father about it, this friend gets prayed for. And I am well aware that the Lord is moving and operating beyond anything I can fathom. And He clearly needs me to pray.

And so I do. With the Life and Peace that only He can afford.


Hannah said...

Those are the experiences that remind us that yes, GOD IS REAL. Who knows why He prompted you right then, and you're right, you may never know, but maybe in eternity you'll get to find out!

Donnetta said...

Oh, these situations can be so difficult. I often second guess myself in situations such as this too, but just have to relax back into the knowledge that it is now in His hands.

Trusting you are continuing to find your peace in Him!

kim said...

I love your heart.

Your friend is so blessed to be covered in prayers, her name being whispered to the Father.