23 June 2005


Tonight, I laid my head upon Miss C's chest and listened to her heartbeat. A sound I had not heard since she was still in my womb. It was just as breathtaking as it was a year ago with the doppler. Perhaps even more so, hearing the tiny organ pumping so diligently. Incredible. She has felt very real to me all along. But at that moment, she was so alive and vital. So amazing and fragile and strong, all wrapped up in one. Emotion choked me.

This tiny person is changing so fast I cannot keep up with her. There is an absolute baby-ness that will melt away without warning. I know—my son’s baby-ness disappeared when I wasn’t looking and I’m with him ALL the time! So where, oh where does it go? Already she has lost that newborn effect...and I do not know when it happened.

I intend to savor it while I can. She has a special sweet scent and silky-soft skin. Uncompromised delight adorns her face. Her voice still sounds so small and unfiltered. That little body which tries so very hard to squirm and learn how to move the way she wants it to. Itty bitty hands grasping, pulling and reaching. Her eyes are bright and alert, fascinated in the world around her. The newness of her life has not worn off…yet.

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