time alone

I got some much needed time alone yesterday. Yes, yes, some of it was at the grocery store buying a ton of cereal for 1/2 price since there was a one day special. And yes, the other half was spent getting a filling, complete with my first shot of lidocaine. I survived. Indeed, I felt refreshed for having sat there alone with complete attention on me for a while, not having to tend anyone else's needs. Just mine. Maybe not what I'd call "fun" but it was pretty much worth it for the down time.

Just how desperately pathetic does that make me???? Wait, maybe you shouldn't answer that. . . .

Thankful Thursday

So, I thought I'd try out my concept of "Thankful Thursday." I don't know for sure if I'll stick with it, but I guess we'll find out. If you decide to join me, please leave me a message and I'll come read yours...


Rain.

I live at the edge of a lake (I can literally walk to it from a path across the street). I drive across the dam that makes said lake at least once, and often twice a week. The summer we moved in, three years ago, someone "accidentally over-drained" the lake while sending water to another state for a nearly extinct fish. By five feet. The lake started to look a little...sparse. Boats struggled some and many people were frustrated - a fish over the water supply for our own people? Yes, it's our water supply. I understood that frustration.


And at about the same time, our state entered into a drought. A drought that lasted a couple of years. I found myself praying for rain. Thankful for rain. Loving rain. Whenever we would get it, albeit briefly.


Last year, many skeptics spoke of how it would never come back up, it was too far gone, our water supply was never going to be able to meet our (overgrown area's) needs...etc. etc. I secretly laughed. There are always seasons and cycles to life. "This too shall pass," is one of my mother's favorite reminders. I felt it quite applicable in the matter of our water supply.


This past spring, our lake level was more than 19 feet down. Sparse was a kind word. Barren, more fitting. So many times I wished I had my camera to take pictures for my blog. The erosion was more clear each month as the water levels dropped, then the weeds began to grow and grow and cover it up. The signage in various bars no longer stuck up above water, but now the entire bars were growing weeds. The wall that held water back from a walking path was not only visible to a driver on the dam, but we could see the entire wall - and see where it met the ground below. That day I was amazed by just how low the water levels had dropped.


And then the rains began. It rained and rained and rained. And rained. And rained some more. Not many weeks back, there was a lot of flooding in our area. Each time we crossed the dam, we eagerly checked the digital sign showing the current lake level. We watched in anticipation as the numbers climbed, the shore receded, the weeds became tips above water.


A few weeks ago, our gorgeous lake was above the suggested lake level! The aforementioned sidewalk was indeed slightly flooding on one rainy afternoon. The lake was burgeoning with ripples and waves and boats.


Beautiful.

I am so thankful for the rain.

one word tag

I was tagged in a meme by Hannah...it looked like fun, answering everything with one word, so here you have it... (by the way, I did this twice already, and the computer crashed so I have left my answers as they were the last time I answered this!)

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your hair? desparate
3. Your mother? genuine
4. Your father? fun
5. Your favorite food? chocolate
6. Your dream last night? wierd
7. Your favorite drink? coffee
8. Your dream/goal? overcome
9. What room are you in? kitchen
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? contamination
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? learning
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? punctual
15. Muffins? pumpkin
16. Wish list item? mp3
17. Where did you grow up? georgia
18. Last thing you did? clean
19. What are you wearing? jacket
20. Your TV? gift
21. Your pets? bird
22. Friends? wonderful
23. Your life? busy
24. Your mood? blueish
25. Missing someone? Mick
26. Vehicle? minivan
27. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? grey
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? today
32. Your best friend? husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? grocery
34. One person who emails me regularly? Sonlight
35. Favorite place to eat? Mexican

I'm not usually a big tagger blogger, but today I'm breaking out of my norm. So, I'm tagging you:

Donnetta

Mrs Lemon

bluehose

Laurel


. . . . and whoever else wants to play - just let me know you did and I'll come read it!

thankfulness - my mom

Today marks the end of my little thankfulness series, and I think it appropriate for me to go back to the very beginning of me...being thankful for my mom.

Today also marks the the beginning of my mom - for it's her birthday!
My mom was born the day before Thanksgiving, the 10th of 11 children. She talks about how one of her older sisters had to make the turkey that year and it burned...and one brother in particular still likes to teasingly blame my mom for ruining that Thanksgiving. I have always loved hearing this story. It seems so normal and warm and cozy and precisely what family is all about.

My mother is one of those people who thinks very little of herself - she is always surprised when someone from many years ago remembers her, and not only that but specifically remembers her because of her genuineness, her gentle sharing and ministering, her simple ways of meeting needs, her always, always open home. She is equally surprised by the people who meet her once or twice, then seek her out.

Her support of me in the choices I make is that of a mother who knows when it's time to let her child learn to fly - she never tried to stop me from moving 3,000 miles away from home at 20 years old. When I wanted to get married at 21, she felt I had the right husband and was therefore behind me 100%. (She has often been heard saying she kept me because I married him...)

She has been down many roads in her lifetime. High roads, low roads and in between roads. And she is constant no matter the road she is on. She never pretends to be perfect, and is exactly who she seems to be.

One thing people have never understood about her is perhaps a favorite trait to me. She has been known to lie about her age quite often. But rather than say she is younger, she rounds up, indicating she is older. In her early forties, she'd say she was 45, then it was 50, and so on. She gets a kick out of doing this...but deep down it says something about her. She told me that aging is a privilege. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. By saying she is older rather than younger, she is embracing life, not hiding from it. We all got a good laugh several years back when she had to stop and think of what year she'd been born...she'd forgotten her real age!

I like to think my mom has had a large part in shaping who I am. She is a great comfort to me when the going gets tough. She reminds to call on the One who can hear me and answer me best. She loves me so unconditionally.

Happy birthday Mommy!


I'm thinking about having "Thankful Thursdays" as a part of my regular blogging as I've enjoyed this so much. Perhaps some of you will join me!

Beware: it's an allergy-related posting. But oh, I'm feeling thankful!!

Little B and Miss C cannot have dairy products. There are about 2 different margarines that I can find in a typical grocery store that are safe for them - UNsalted Fleishmann's Margarine (sticks) and some Smart Balance Margarines (tubs) - I have to be very careful to get the right one with this. One way is to look for the word "parve" on the package. I believe there is one other more costly choice, Earth Balance, but this keeps it simple - the sticks for baking, the tub for a spread on bagels, etc.

Baby J cannot have soy. Let's keep this simple: all margarine has soy. That means it's virtually impossible to make baked goods safe for all three kids. Fun, I tell you.

Enter Spectrum's shortening made of palm oil only. No dairy. No soy. Not even cross contaminated with any of the other allergies. Sounds like it solves the problem, right? I should be so thankful. Right?? NOT.

It took two tries - using it in some icing on a cake (gluten free for hubs and baby) and attempting some Chex Muddy Buddies (modified w/sunbutter versus peanut butter, etc) to discover that John apparently had some issues with palm oil. So....not a good substitute after all.

I was feeling forlorn trying to figure how to solve this dilemma. I have a completely allergy safe pumpkin pie recipe and dug for a gluten free/safe crust. BUT could not figure what to use to replace the need for a butter/margarine/shortening ingredient. Forlorn, indeed....

Then, at the grocery store I ran across coconut oil. To be fair, I'd seen it by Spectrum but theirs was cross-contaminated, so could not be used for my family. But this one does not seem to have any hindering factors. It just has coconut oil. AND, since this whole crew of mine can easily and often drink coconut milk, I simply cannot foresee a problem.

Woohoo! Yeah, very thankful. 8-)

thankfulness - librarian of the year

I've been pondering what I am thankful for today...as in what thing to I tell you about? And today, well, let's just make it a bit lighter, huh?

I love my favorite librarian. She's so much kinder about lost books and late fees than, say, my lesser favorites or my least favorite. We keep a LOT of books out at a time. Little B can easily devour a book a day, and if they are simpler books, a dozen in a week plus some serious re-reading time. I vary...during the summer I inhaled them like oxygen because I could. I knew once school started that would need more attention, being my first year with it. I've enjoyed some since then, but not so many. My husband listens to books on CD since he can't find time to read them. And then there's Miss C, bed time stories, and my nonfiction "wow that looks interesting" books, and any homeschooling books we need at the time (we get what we can from there for our Sonlight and random unit studies), plus some kids movies and science or history DVDs, etc...get the picture? On average, 50ish books at a time are out (rarely less than 30, though I've seen it hit 81), and I am a huge fan of the online renewal that lets me do it twice in row.

Friday is library day. It makes my kids simply pant with anticipation for the new books ("If you only turned in three, you can only check out three" . . . "But MOOOMMMY, I really like this one!"). Baby J, well, he gets a thrill, too, removing DVDs and books from the shelf and stacking them on the floor by his stroller.

And "my" librarian. She likes my kids. She enjoys their love of all things book. She makes sure I know on "those" days (when I can barely contain varying issues (who us?) among sibling treatment, books I don't find appropriate, antsy waiting in line, or me with migraine) that she likes us, that it's gonna be fine, that my kids are always welcome in that library...the list goes on. I seek her out, I wait until she's available if I have a question or need help.

Little B has his own library card. He's uber proud of it, too. But, it's a responsibility. If you have three "claims returned" (missing but you thought you turned it in) books on your card, it gets suspended. Little B reached the point of 2 this summer. And then it happened: a third went missing. Fortunately, it wasn't due yet. I made sure I was talking to her when I wanted to discuss my options...the "least favorite" had been less than helpful or kind (contrary to what the fave had suggested) with another incident and was less than computer savvy on two occasions...so, my fave said she'd renew the book and give us time to find it. She also priced out the now-three books and suggested that if he had to pay for one to keep his card going, to pay for the cheapest. The weeks ticked by. It was due last Friday and we still could not find any of those books to help us out. I asked if she could renew it once more (twice in a row is allowable as long as no one has it on reserve). Alas, someone had it on reserve....but you know what?? She renewed it for us anyway! What a librarian! We got a little more time to find it...(and that person couldn't have had this copy anyway, so why not!?).

Today, a miracle happened. We found the most expensive of the books in the dark caverns beneath the playroom couch. Woohoo! Nothing like cleaning out some corners. Little B was elated - "I'm safe!" Of course, ideally, we could find the other two as well, but at least now he can "claims returned" the current one if need be and not have a penalty...whew...

All that nonsense to say, SHE MAKES MY DAY! When I feel haggard on a Friday, migrained out, PMSish or tired of dealing with a melt-down week with certain kids...I look forward to her kind face on Friday, knowing she likes my kids even when I don't (well, you know what I mean)and will be nice to me.

Oh yeah, I am thankful for my own personal librarian of the year!

thankfulness - His ways

I'm not sure who reads my blog and doesn't admit it...or if there are even such people out there. It makes me a little nervous because I have this friend whose wonderful blog I just finally had to comment on - and I know people who read it. Therefore I have a quaking fear of someone clicking "cjoy" and finding my blog and saying, "OMIGOSH ... I know her!" If that's you, please just 'fess up, 'kay? I'd feel better knowing who has found my private haven, even if my anonymity is gone. Thanks.

All that aside . . . or perhaps because of it, I have a post that makes me lose face. It shares the deep and the personal and for a while I could not pinpoint why it made me thankful or how to go about sharing it or even if I should. Today I knew how to go about it at last. Please, bear with me....

I've talked about how my husband's job has offered only decreases in pay for quite some time (40% is a pretty accurate number for the most part). I've told you some of the many issues in our home...
Regarding allergies, Miss C's alternative treatments are not covered by insurance; and I assure you our grocery bills are not pretty, even when I can find a stack of coupons (I'm the only one who has no dietary restriction).
Regarding my oldest, we've paid a lot lot lot on therapies for years now...much out of pocket or deductibles and co-pays by the fistful in spite of choosing the better insurance (which has been great for certain docs and referrals, etc).
There are too many things to list or explain. You get the idea, though.

Around the new year, we slowly had to stop paying on our credit cards. Yes, plural. And yes, it was high. Were we reckless? I don't believe so. Mostly it was to counter the cost of the medical and sometimes to help someone else. I cannot regret either of those choices. (And we paid faithfully for many years.)

I mentioned a few weeks back, when I "returned" to my blog, that there was a practical reason we're selling our house...it's called "can't afford it any more" - and we're attempting a short sale (means the mortgage company will take less than we owe just to get it off their hands). We've had it on the market nearly 3 months. We've shown it 3 times now. At a greatly reduced price. That's not exactly hopeful.

That said, we actually truly feel the Lord has led us to this point. In spite of the stress that should completely suck me under here, I cannot tell you how deeply the peace has carried us. We're even at a point where if we had NOT had debt, we'd be in a hole. The difference being that we'd probably have reduced our house payment by 2/3 and therefore not be able to sell and move where He so clearly wants us to go! Interesting how "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

We fully expect that at any time they could foreclose on us. Most days, as I said, this does not bother me at all. I know. Crazy. Especially when about 2 or so years ago, I was heard saying to my husband, "As long as we never lose our house...."

Now, I'm glad the Lord heard me say that and challenged me on it. I'm thankful he is stripping me of it. Truly, figuring out what to feed my family 3 meals a day, day after day, is much more stressful to me than losing my home. I loathe packing and never wanted to do it again. That is a bigger stress. Yes, it's very humbling and I don't want to share it with the world. But then again, I've had so much of that peace, and this sense of thankfulness...I could not quite pinpoint it until today, when I felt a little lower. The gray months of winter that lie ahead don't feel so promising. Then a song began to play in my head from many years ago...


His ways are higher than mine,
Much higher.

Higher, higher,
Much, much higher,
Higher, higher,
Much higher...

Isaiah 55:9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth
So My ways are higher than your ways,
And My thoughts higher than your thoughts.


Oh, how very thankful I am that my God's ways and thoughts are higher than mine.