waiting

We are waiting right now.  

Waiting for possible changes, 

and hopeful changes, 

and potentially hurtful changes.

John has spent over 15 years at the same job, loyally, diligently working from an AutoCad technician all the way up (thorugh many years of school) to Licensed Professional Engineer.

The economy has swept us into it's painful downturn but still he has had consistent work; something I remain thankful for every single pay day.

Today, he had his second interview with a new company for a new job.  They have indicated an offer will be made within a week's time.

Mostly, I am at peace and feel excitement over what may come.  But then fear of the unknown rises up like high tide in a row boat and makes me sea sick.  I find my peace replaced with the anxiety of our needs being met - as though the Lord isn't completely in control, though I know when I calm down that He is.

When I remember that a friend was recently burdened to pray regarding our situation before I told her about this possibility, I know without a doubt He is orchestrating this above any thought I have.  When I hear a different, well-meaning friend talk about the ideal pay increase and what to shoot for, I have to remind myself that ideal on earth and ideal with God are often vastly different (as are the job descriptions of our respective husbands).

I also feel a sadness that there could be some family bridges burned in taking this new path.  Bridges we both spent years trying to build.  Walking a new direction could make it all crumble, which I know we don't want.

I've prayed and cried out for the Lord to provide an opportunity such as this one.  And yet, I don't want to force His hand.  I don't want him to say, "Fine; if you want it so much, I'll allow it....but with it comes another cost."  

I truly want His will.  

I want His way to be clear.  

I want to follow Him into a new direction or stay waiting with Him where He has us.

And so the waiting goes....